An Angel's Pain
by luckypixi
Summary: Missing/Extended scene, 5x17. As Dean watches Castiel fall apart in front of him, he offers to listen to the angel and discovers he may be more to blame than he realises. A look into the thoughts and feeling of Cas and Dean. No slash. R&R?


**Hi!**

**A missing scene here from 5x17 (99 Problems). A look into the scene after Pastor Gideon agrees to kill the Whore of Babylon...slightly extended.**

**No slash**

**I hope you enjoy this, I had a great time writing it.**

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think!**

**Enjoy!**

**Onwards...**

Dean shut the boot of his beloved Impala, the familiar clanging not doing anything to quell his bubbling stomach. How could they ask the pastor to kill his own daughter? It wasn't fair. Then again, nothing was fair these days- he had learnt that first hand.

He swallowed thickly and walked around the car. Looking up, he stopped in his tracks. Castiel was sat on a seat near the kerb and he had his head in his hands, a frown barely concealed on his face.

Dean couldn't even try to imagine what the angel was going through right now; being told his Father didn't care about him, that He was going to sit back and watch this all happen. He didn't understand it, so God knows what Cas, who had served his Father blindly for thousands of years, made of it. He probably felt the most insignificant angel in the whole cosmos.

He watched Cas rub his forehead, a drunken headache creeping up on him, something he had never experienced before. He felt for the angel; he remembered his first ever hangover.

He reached in through the passenger window, fished around in his bag and pulled out a small box of pills. Not looking at them, knowing precisely what they were, he turned back to Cas.

'Heads up'

As he threw the pills across, he felt a tight knot hit his stomach.

2012. Castiel. Drugs.

Maybe this is where it all started, with him. At that one moment, he felt ashamed.

The angel caught the pills easily, looking at them with disdain. He was an Angel of the Lord; he shouldn't need these human medications. He frowned and turned the bottle over. Maybe they could help him; he just wanted this pain to go away, even for a few hours.

'How many should I take?' he asked, not looking up at Dean. He had never felt this low, this betrayed; not even when Uriel admitted to killing his siblings. This was a blow he was doubtful he could ever get over.

Dean thought about this for a few moments. 'You? You should just probably down the whole bottle.' There was that feeling again; that overwhelming crush of guilt of giving drugs to the angel.

Cas, turning the bottle over, still didn't look at him. He took a calming breath. 'Thanks.' He muttered, his headache ringing, a dull thumping pain that got steadily worse with each passing second.

Dean stood, leaning against the Impala, looking down at the angel. He could see he was distraught, but he just didn't know how to help him.

'Don't mention it' he muttered, looking away. 'Hell, I've been there; I'm a big expert on deadbeat dads.' As much as he loathed chick flick moments, he felt strangely at ease talking to Cas; he always had.

'So I get it.' he sighed, turning back to the angel. 'I know how you feel.'

As he was growing up, he thought he had the coolest dad in the whole world. _My dad hunts monsters. _Looking back, he realised that his dad _had _been training him. And Sam.

That's not what good dad's do. Dean hated John Winchester for that.

Castiel looked down at the ground, eyes low, hollow. He felt an ache inside him, as though he was empty. Why would his Father do this? All he had ever done was serve him, with blind faith. And this was all he got in return?

'How do you manage it?' he asked; he had no idea how to handle this pain, this rejection. Maybe Dean would help him.

Dean raised his eyebrows, a small, bittersweet smile creeping onto his face.

'On a good day you get to kill a whore' he said, with minimal humour.

He watched Cas look up at him, eyebrows raised. He should have realised Dean would never give him a straight answer; even when he desperately needed one.

Dean moved and sat next to the angel, so now they were basically the same height. He put his elbows on his knees, resting his chin on his knuckles. 'Why'd you go get drunk?' he asked Cas gently. He had taken Castiel for a beer once, and they both knew how _that _night had ended. He hadn't thought the angel would want to do it again.

Castiel turned to look at him, his blue eyes dull in the moonlight. 'It's what you do.' He said lowly, plainly.

This struck Dean like a truck, the bottom falling out his stomach completely.

'You did it because I do it?' he asked, eyes wide. 'What do you mean?'

Castiel turned fully to look at him, features smoothed out. 'Whenever you have a problem, whenever something happens, you drink.' He looked down. 'I figured it might help me forget.' He murmured. 'It has only caused me more pain.'

Dean bent his head to look the angel in the eyes. 'Dude, I don't go out a drink a whole off-licence.'

Castiel watched him. 'I had one drink and it did nothing.' He sighed. 'I was so angry. I just wanted the pain to stop.'

He turned again, looking up at the sky. Dean felt like a priest in the confessional. Castiel really needed someone to talk to. And he was happy to listen.

Castiel continued. 'The man in the store was asleep; the shop was closed. So I simply made him sleep longer. By the time I really thought about what I was doing, I had drank the place dry.'

Dean grimaced. 'How much?' he asked, wondering how much it took for the angel to get into this state.

Cas shrugged. 'I stopped counting at sixty'

Dean whistled, Cas turning to look at him.

'Well, dude, you're lucky you didn't pickle your insides.'

Castiel missed the humour and frowned. 'I just wanted the pain to stop.' He repeated, emotion in his voice.

Dean nodded and reached out to grab his shoulder. 'It'll take some time, Cas, but it will. Eventually.'

Castiel nodded and turned back to look at the sky. Dean wondered if he was looking at heaven.

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the sound of footsteps behind him.

'You ready?' Sam asked, looking between the angel and the hunter.

Dean looked at Cas, who simply returned his gaze to the sky.

'Yeah, Sam.' He muttered, standing up.

'We are'

**I just thought of how Dean would have been feeling at that point, and I also though; Where else would Cas have learnt to drink from? The only influence he has is Dean, so he's just copying what he's seen. I hope that makes sense **

**I hope you enjoyed that, please let me know what you think- I will always reply!**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Luckypixi**

**xxxxx**


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